Sadness

amandamabel

I cannot hide the fact that I am sad. I have been sad for some time now if I am really honest with myself. It's not that I come across as sad. I do a great job of masking my sadness that I myself believe it's not there. I'm in the word, my prayers to God are deeper than they have ever been in quite a while, so why then do I face such grief? I have either let my heart grow weary, or God is tearing me down bit by bit so He may build me back up. 

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

When you feel sad, do you have a scripture you turn to? Maybe a verse that lifts your spirit?

The True Worshipper

Mary Caroline Mann

This is a year of many lasts for me. Of course there are many new beginnings ahead, but it's hard saying goodbye to my high school years. I praise God for an awesome time of worship last night with my youth group, at an event we have throughout the year called Collide. It was a closing chapter for me. 

I've found myself pondering on the meaning of worship a lot this past year, learning that worship is far more than the songs we sing, the notes we play, the hands we raise, or the words we say.  Worship is a lifestyle. It means resting our thoughts on God, working heartily for the Lord, using our gifts to give glory to his name, and constantly lavishing God's word. I cannot wait to experience worship in heaven!

Here's one of my journal entries I found on worship.

December 6, 2010

"I used to think worship meant going to church and singing hymns. To be honest, I thought it was boring and I truly didn't worship God, but more myself. I thought worship was meant for one day a week and that it would not make sense otherwise. But I have found I cannot live without worship in every aspect of my life because it IS my life. Worship is like a chocolate cake. The icing is the church and I am but a sprinkle on top. Worship is much greater than myself. Worship is what brings the people of the church together and what brings churches together as one. If we want to focus on Christ then we need to stop focusing on the smaller picture. It is not my church that I attend every week, but God's church. I do not go to church for attendance or the comfortable feeling I get when around the people I love, but I go to worship the same God others worship all over this world. That is the God that created me and you and sent His Son as a gift, a sacrifice for our wrongs. Whatever denomination, whatever church, whatever tradition, whatever music, whatever sermon, whatever events, charities, ministries; none matter without the heartbeat of worship for Christ.  So I now look at worship as a much greater picture far past what I can imagine. The awe I feel when I worship is the awe I have of a God who is so unimaginably great. How can I live my life day to day and not stand and worship! God, may I praise your name all my days from now into eternity."

The Gateway Home

I’m in the valley

No one around me

I’m picking up

Walking on

Looking around me

Trying to find my pathway home

No where I know

But I’m searching for somewhere

Don’t got a family

Who will take care of me

I’m sticking low

In the cold

Wishing I could flee

Is there a place that I can go

Who’ll accept this unknown

Cause she’s searching for something

 ….

My child

Don’t ever grow weary

I’m here with you through the valley

You’re not alone

I died to take you home

Take my hand

I am the open door

My way

It’s through that narrow gate

Free for you to pass

But it’s the hard way

Accept by faith

It’s the only way

Than you will find me

I offer eternal grace

…..

I don’t know if I can go through the narrow gate

This way’s unknown, it’s unseen, it’s a steep escape

I can’t go back, turn away, or trust my own self

Oh God

I’m taking a leap of faith…

Agape

I long for a moment to gaze upon the world, and see the image that God's sees. I long to understand the complexities of life that reach far beyond my mind. I long for a deeper understanding of the need for God's LOVE to reach the nations. However, how can I understand the fullness of God's love when I'm surrounded by superficial relationships, distasteful media messages, and a broken family of my own? I cannot. I can never understand the fullness of Agape love that was nailed to the cross and suffered the fullness of God's wrath on the sins of all mankind, that made Christ sweat tears of blood for the sins He would carry to the grave. A King once on His throne in Heaven, pure, holy, and innocent, yet dying on a cross! A cross... He stepped down from His throne, abandoned His home, and humbled himself to death on a cross. That is love and it's power was seen as Christ was raised from death to life! Why can we not understand this love? We love those who give up some time for us each day, but Christ gave up His life for us. We are constantly plagued by love messages that degrade what real love is. If we're not careful we can start viewing love in all the wrong ways. Agape love is not the warm fuzzy feeling you get in your heart for the person you feel is "the one", it is not the puppy love of passing notes in class and late night phone calls, it is not the movie that makes you cry the thousandth time you've watched it, it is not your favorite dessert that grandma spent hours baking.

Agape
God is Love.
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." John 4: 7-12

How do we show Agape?
Follow Christ's example.
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Romans 12: 9-13


Yesterday at my church, I watched The Passion of The Christ. It was my first time seeing the film. I don't believe anyone walked out that night without their eyes stained with tears. Christ is Agape. You cannot seek or find any other Love like this. Agape love changes lives, saves souls, heals sinners, lifts the lowly, shows no partiality, forgives always, is so undeserved, yet God Loved us so much to offer this Love to all. What a beautiful King!

Crossroads

I stand at a crossroads. One direction I desire most in my life, feeling it may be the way God is calling me to go. My heart is anxious to go this direction, however, the gate is locked and only God can open this gate. The road ahead of this gate is narrow and uncertain yet I long to go forth in this direction. The other direction however is open, free for me to walk, yet I find I do not want to go. Not yet. I must wait at the crossroads and pray that God may open the gate. If He chooses not to however, I must take the other direction until I hit another crossroads having faith God is directing me in a better direction. 

Faith. We all have a testimony of faith. A testimony where by God's beautiful gift of grace poured forth through His son, Jesus Christ, we came to an understanding that life is not all about us. So we say "Not my will but yours be done oh Lord", or the words to a song like, "Give Me Your Eyes", but when we come to the crossroads in our life, do we really have faith in God's direction? 

Honestly I can admit that if God does not open this gate in my life, I may be disappointed, I may weep, I may not want to press on anymore, I may loose faith in God's will for my life. I wish I could say I would be strong and not swayed by one disappointment. The truth is, I am so unworthy to have the opportunity to enter through His gate and therefore selfish to question God if it is not His will. Whether it be a college decision, a job opening, finding a home, loosing a loved one, we all face those points in our lives where we falter at disappointment. We forget, that the King of the universe who sits above, has already carved out our pathway before we were even born. If God's ways are not our ways, yet He loves loves us far more than we could ever love Him, wouldn't His ways then be far better than ours? Yes! What a wonderful truth this is. Take heart, His love will lead you. 

Isaiah 55:8-12"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declared the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thought. "For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. “For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands."

Beauty in Patience

There is beauty in the patience that comes with waiting on the Lord
When a moment we depend on only gets pushed off shore
We begin to question, begin to doubt
We get somewhat anxious
Then finally laugh knowing God is moving about
When we are left waiting on the Lord we may cry
May waste our time in our cluttered mind
Then in a moment we fall to our knees 
Prayfully we seek our needs


We pray earnestly for ourselves
The longing of our heart 
In that prayer we realize what life is all about
Not us...


We then pray for those in the same situations
Pray for those in our lives
Pray for the lost
Pray for the church
Pray for the nations
Pray for those who hurt
Soon enough our selfish pray is found in gracious thanksgiving 
Thanks be to God, Our Savior and King in all that He is doing

This is inspired by my encounter with Patience these past couple weeks. It is funny how Patience can take us from anxiety to a realization of God's beautiful character. Don't you just love how God works?

Check out this blog I stumbled across this week. It was a blessing to me in this time.
Muse and Mystery

Leap of Faith

I was standing high above the ground, ready to take my leap of faith, until I looked down. Seeing the distance, I stepped back and questioned whether I should jump. I was excited to experience the thrill of flying down the zip line, but the height frightened me. I had to trust the harness holding me or back down then and there. Before I could chicken out, my mother started counting down. With closed eyes I jumped off the edge into mid-air finding in fact the zip line was safe and the thrill was worth the risk.

I have been eagerly awaiting my chance to leave home and head off to college. The excitement is killing me more as I realize how near I am to the end of my high school years. However, with my eager heart to leave and experience a new life known as college, I also many times find myself stepping back and contemplating whether I am ready for the jump.

God is our harness and He's never going to let us go. We just have to have the faith to jump in order to accomplish great things.  This may apply to any aspect in life, but especially ministry. I believe many of us are eager to accomplish big things for God's glory, yet we let the world and the people around us sway us to take a step back. I'm praying that God would allow us to take the leap we need to accomplish His perfect will.


"Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you, just as I promised to Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon as far as the great river, the river Euphrates, all the land of the Hittites to the Great Sea toward the going down of the sun shall be your territory. No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them." Joshua 1:3-6